Module 4 Update

Hello Everyone,

Its been a minute since I have been on this blog. Though the semester has been very busy, I have been keeping up with my well-being practices. The dancing and positive affirmations have been going very well and have had a positive impact on my overall well-being. I have also been focusing on the experience of "now" and not too much on the future. Though it is important to be forward-looking, it is also important to not miss the experience of "now."
After watching the lecture on self-compassion, I have also added this to my list of well-being practices. At least once or twice a week, I would do a self-compassion meditation and reflection on my life.

See you all tomorrow!!!

Forgiveness

After watching the self-compassion video I have decided to start a new practice! I am going to keep a short journal of things I accomplish and also things I regret or am ashamed of.  I obviously cant do my whole life, but starting today I will be doing this. I think it will be a good exercise for me to understand both what motivates me in my life, be a reference for giving myself credit and also help me to be with my own faults and  view them non-judgmentally.  I think giving time to these things in my daily life will help me to foster a greater sense of self-compassion and self-esteem.  My affirmations have been going well but I really think this extra aspect to them will really help me.

Week 6-7

 

After I committed to my well-being practices, I did my best to keep up with them. The practices are exercising at least 2 days in a week, giving myself a reward, and reading the Bible at least five days a week. As I mentioned before, reading the Bible was the hardest of all. I think I had high expectation when I came up with my plan since reading the Bible even three days is hard. However, I am not going to change my plan. Instead, I will try harder than before to meet what I promised with myself. As a result, I decided to set up the exact time to read and pray. I personally believe that being spiritual is more important than being smart.  However, I noticed that I do my homework first and then open the Bible-Here I see contradiction as well as inconsistency. Even though I am disappointed at some point, being compassionate for myself helped me to give another chance. This is a big step for me because I tend to put me down when I failed in the past.

Week 6-7

It seems like most of people in our group had been sick before or during the break. I also was sick during the break, so I was not able to do anything I planned such as working on my senior portfolio, studying exams, etc. Last Friday, I collapsed after work and slept over 16 hours. I only woke up two times to drink water and take medicine. Since I knew that I was not able to carry my plans, I decided to let it go. This was like “shaking-off” what doesn’t need to be worried at the time. Rest of the break, I decided to take a break by doing what I like. Therefore, I get to meet high school friends, go to Beethoven Orchestra Bonn concert, and watch movies. It was my first break that felt like real break! As of now, I have a pile of things to do, but I do not regret that I took a break as a break.…because it is the past and I have tomorrow.

well-being practices

This Spring Break I have not had many distractions with trying to focus on my well-being practices. With my mindful eating and workouts I have continued with the personal training g and I’m still going to the gym but I decided to become a vegetarian. And like in my previous posts in my household it’s kind of difficult to stick to any lifestyle change involving food. I have been a vegetarian before so the transition was not that too difficult and I’m trying to learn how to cook different vegetarian dishes than the ones I already know so my well-being practice of mindful eating is going to be very mindful. So I feel I won’t change anything in my well-being practices but I feel I may add more to it. I have been listening to more music and many different genres. So I feel I may add more walking outdoors with more music throughout my days, especially the beautiful sunny days outside. Maybe try some HULA-HOOPING with Amy!! But overall I feel my well-being practices will not drastically change I just may add to them or even try to meditate more often to stay focused.

During the Break

 

So during the break my goal was to try to relax and focus on me and not school. I was mindful of my eating and body, the personal training workouts and with the yoga here and there, so I have been doing well with my practices. I have also spent lots of time with my family and focusing on taking time off from school even though assignments were still due after. I have been trying to get some more sleep, feel rested, during the break too…still working on it but I’m getting there. I also spent more time with my dog! Usually he doesn’t see me all day and so I tried to give him more attention with walks and playing with him; he was so very excited to see I was not leaving the house at the usually time. But anyway, I have been easily continuing with my practices.  

Real Life Realizations

Prior to Spring Break I was sick for a good week and a half.  I ultimately ended up going to the doctor when I didn't get any better and it was confirmed that I had the flu... you're welcome those of you in Mark's Wednesday class, for not going.  I believe I caught it from someone else who literally "stopped by for a visit" to one of my meetings the week before.

I think my immune system must have been down to catch it that easily, but who knows.  Anyway, after visiting with the doctor and getting some meds I started feeling better.  Now I'm back on the "playing catch-up" grind, though.  (Story of my life - this semester)

Having been stuck inside with the flu for almost 2 weeks and then stuck on campus for Spring Break duty, I was really limited in accomplishing assignments that require anything out of the ordinary.  Though I did try doing some work from bed, my brain just felt fried. 

Before I got to go home for the last 4 days of break I was able to go through some of my stuff and pack away some things I planned to take home.  Being sick, things just started piling up, literally and figuratively; so de-cluttering the physical stuff a bit has helped with my stress management some.  I still feel like I will be returning to school with a laundry list of tasks to accomplish - makeup assignments, missed modules, DC field trip papers, etc.  I asked for an extension on an assignment for the first time ever today.  I don't know whether to be disappointed in myself for having to ask or proud for actually asking for help for the first time ever...

I have been home in VB for the past 4 days and will be heading back to Fairfax today, hopefully avoiding the snow.  Over this time I have had a chance to relax, do some organizing and de-cluttering of things in my closet and was able to get rid of a lot of things.  As of yesterday I was feeling more grounded and ready to go back to school to get things done.  Now that it's Monday I'm feeling less enthused. 

My real life realization that I've had recently is that maybe I'm avoiding.  I sometimes avoid conflict or avoid feeling or talking about things in conflict, and now I'm starting to think maybe I've been avoiding things in school that are contributing to my stress issue.  When I was diagnosed with stress earlier in the month, I felt very caught off guard.  What I think has happened now is that I have been putting things off, avoiding work and responsibilities - in a "care free" manner, but in reality I have been allowing things to pile up in my consciousness.  I know they are there, I know they need to get done, but I put them off or avoid them all together.  I keep thinking, I'm going to graduate in 2 months, what does it matter... But the reality of the situation is that maybe I won't** graduate in 2 months if I don't do my work and pass my courses.  Recently when my dad asked me about school I said things were ok and his response had been - if you need to take an extra year or something to finish, that's ok, too.  I laughed at the time at what I thought was a ridiculous suggestion.  Why would I need an extra year and why would that even be an option? 

Talking to him today about my realizations he explained that he felt like maybe I was stressing about graduation and leaving school and moving on.  He felt like maybe I didn't feel ready and if that was the case then maybe getting out of school wasn't the right thing.  How parents know this stuff is beyond me...

Talking to other people planning to graduate in May, I have found a trend among us.  People are lacking motivation, lacking focus, feel "unexplainably" stressed, etc.  The thought then is maybe avoiding and procrastinating is really an attempt to prolong the moving on process or graduation.  This self-sabotage might come as a shock in the end, but all the pieces point in that direction.

I don't want it to be this way.  I had really wanted to be stress-free and mindful this semester - my last semester in undergrad.  I wanted to enjoy the rest of my time and savor the aspects of undergrad I will be missing, but that hasn't been the case.  I have been doing a whole lot of nothing and stressing the whole time.  I have done very little of what I have wanted or planned to and now I've got 2 months left. 

The practices I have been implementing have helped some, but what I have found is that I'm using some of the practices to avoid even more and therefore the practices are making me more stressed.  Before I went to the doctor for my stress pains I went to yoga which was meant to relax and de-stress.  I felt stressed while I was there, thinking about all the things I was missing while I was there, or all the things I needed to do later.   I felt like I was able to focus on my breath while I was there and was able to quiet my thoughts, but when I left the pain was more pronounced.  The pain itself, ironically was stressing me out at some point too.  (a very vicious cycle)

Meditation has helped, especially those that focus on motivation and accomplishments.  I will continue this week to declutter my physical and mental space.  I want to try working without a To Do List for a while.  I'm not sure how this will fair, but I find myself writing obsessive lists that detail all the work I might ever have to do.  Then I write almost identical lists, outlining what I hope to accomplish that specific day.  What usually ends up happening is me feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work in front of me and then I do none of it.  The book from Mark's class that touched on Action Steps was interesting and showed me a lot of things I might have been doing wrong in trying to accomplish tasks.  It highlighted that methods have to be consistent, too.  For now I'm going to try no list, before I try and implement a new system of lists. 

I have been doing weekly physical activity, which I will continue to do this week.  I think I will attempt working without a To Do List but will try and schedule my time more mindfully and avoid having an open ended schedule that allows for a lot of down time - time to do nothing. I will schedule in some time to not work, but I think maybe my lack of schedule on days when I don't have class has really messed me up.